mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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