i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
