I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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