watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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