I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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