glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
