I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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