so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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