We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
