Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
