I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
