She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
