He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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