How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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