His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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