i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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