I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
