Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We're too hungover to prance.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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