I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize