No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
