i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
