im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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