Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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