Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
