I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
