Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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