Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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