i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
