i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize