if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
