I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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