I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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