I CAN MOONWALK!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
