OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize