I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
