Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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