Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize