I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
