My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
