I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
