I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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