listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
