UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
