alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
