I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
