i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
