I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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