...so i touched it.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
