You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
