i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
