Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
