it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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