Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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