wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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