just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
