4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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