oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize