: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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