So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
