I feel like abortions should bother me more
he thought i was a dude.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
