3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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