I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
