i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
